DISCIPLING CHILDREN BIBLICALLY
The Old Testament’s Wisdom Literature arguably lays the foundation of direct wise instruction about parental discipline. Fo
r instance, Proverbs 22:6 instructs, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This passage emphasizes the importance of early and consistent training. Proverbs 13:24 says, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” This verse highlights the fact that it is highly likely that an undisciplined child will grow up to be an undisciplined adult, which is a sinner doomed to a rough life and, perhaps, even worse eternal destiny. Any parent who wouldn’t do whatever possible to keep that from happening isn’t godly, righteous, or wise.
The New Testament, which is the fulfillment of the Old, builds on this foundation with passages like Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Here, discipline is balanced with instruction, emphasizing not only correction but also teaching. The discipline of the Lord is not an end in itself, it’s the means to the end of training people to be like Christ and to follow Him obediently. Good parents discipline on purpose.
Biblical parental discipline has several interrelated purposes: (1) It aims to teach righteousness. Parents must aim at instilling God's character and commandments into their children’s lives (Deuteronomy 6:6-9). (2) Biblical parental discipline corrects wrong behavior. It corrects deviations from the path of righteousness, not merely to punish but to redirect (Hebrews 12:11). (3) Biblical parental discipline teaches children the consequences of actions, which, we hope, they will take to heart and so be protected from foolishness and its unhappy outcomes (Proverbs 1:8-9). (4) It prepares children to succeed at living life. Wise parents prepare their children for adult life, where they must navigate challenges with wisdom and integrity (Proverbs 29:15). This means it isn’t good parenting to freely give children everything they want. Wise parents don’t shelter their children from the harsh realities; they introduce them to reality little by little as their growing minds are able to handle it. Additionally, loving parents see to it their children learn good work ethic and the importance of being responsible for themselves and contributing positively to society.
The Bible suggests various methods of parental discipline. First and most basic is clear verbal instruction. Teaching and explaining God's will as part of set family devotional times, as well as using teachable moments when they arise (Deuteronomy 11:19), is vital. This involves explaining the reasoning behind God’s commandments, the “why,” as well as you’re able and never dismissing a child’s genuine question as if it isn’t a worthy question. Hopefully, there’s a qualified Bible teacher in your local church who can help with the tough questions. In addition to verbal instruction, parents are to model the behavior they wish to see in their children (1 Corinthians 11:1). Discipline starts with self-discipline and physical correction with love. While “the rod” (i.e., a paddle of some sort sturdy enough to cause pain but not stout enough to do any real damage) is clearly something Scripture expects Christian parents to use, when necessary, it's never divorced from love and ought never to be swung in anger. The purpose is always restoration and growth (Revelation 3:19). Making children make amends for wrongdoings teaches them accountability (Exodus 22:1-15). This principle applies where applicable and appropriate. Use good judgment.
Christian parents ought to seek to maintain as balanced of an approach to disciplining their children as they can. This takes wisdom, so, parents, pray and study God’s word, and study and pray some more! Avoid harshness, minimize or eliminate yelling, and be fair, consistent, and reasonable. Alongside correction, it is crucial to encourage and affirm children when they are trying to do well. Children must know they’re loved and valued if they’re to grow up mentally healthy (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12). As God is patient and forgiving, so should parents be. The model of God's grace must saturate Christian parenting (Colossians 3:13).
The ultimate model of discipline is God's discipline. Hebrews 12:5-11 describes God's discipline as a sign of His love, designed for our good, that we might share in His holiness. This discipline, while it may be painful, produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who are trained by it. Following God’s perfect example, parental discipline should always come from a place of deep love, never from anger or resentment. The goal is the child's eternal well-being and spiritual growth, not merely obedience for obedience's sake. So, we parent with the end in mind. We raise adults, not children. We’re present in our children’s lives now, but always looking towards the future. Parents discipline with the hope that their children will become wise, godly adults.
Disciplining children according to God’s will involves more than just setting rules and punishing misbehavior. It includes teaching, modeling, correcting, and guiding with grace, love, and patience. It unswervingly aims at producing individuals who not only follow God's laws but believe in them and cherish them, becoming the lights in the world the Father wants us all to be. For Christian parents, disciplining our children isn’t just a task but a sacred calling that reflects the very nature of God's relationship with all of us who are His children. By following the Bible’s teachings, parents will discipline their children in a manner that honors God, nurtures the child's spirit, and prepares them for a life of faith and service leading to eternal life.
—JLP
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